Mallu-Self Check:
Philipose, it looks like i am a mallu Smile

If you can fit four passengers in the front seat of an
Ambassador
taxi, while in the back there are eight passengers and
two children
with
their heads stuck out of the window, chances are, you
are a Mallu going
to
attend your cousin’s wedding.
– If you can run, ride a 100 cc motorbike without
wearing a helmet,
and play football, all while wearing a lungi tied
halfmast, Malayali
status!
– If you have more than 5 relatives working in
Dufaiii, Big Time
Malayali..
– If you have the words “Chinchu Mol + Jinchu Mol”
written on the
rear window of your Omni car, Yes, You ARE a Malaayli.
– If you refer to your husband as kettiyon; ithiyan,
pillerude appan,
guess what? You’re a Central Travancore Syrian
Christian Malayali.

– If you have more than three employee trade unions
at your place of
work then ask no further, you are indeed a Malayali.
– If you have at least two relatives working in the US
in the health
industry(Nursing! !!), Yes! Syrian Christian Malayali!
– If you religiously buy a lottery ticket every week,
then You’re in
the Malayali Zone!
– If you describe a woman as “charrakku/ Commodity ”
Yep! Malayali.
– If you constantly refer to banana as “benana” or
pizza as “pissa”
you’re a Malayali.
– If you use coconut oil instead of refined vegetable
oil and can’t
figure out why people in your family have congenital
heart problems, you
might be a Malayali.

– If you are going out to see a movie at the local
theater with your
wifey wearing all the gold jewellery gifted to her by
her parents, you
are a
newly married Malayali.
– If you and your wife and three children dress up in
your Sunday best
and go out to have Malabar biriyani at Kayikka’s on a
100 cc Bajaj
mobike,
you an upwardly mobile Malayali from Cochin .
– If your idea of haute cuisine is kappa and meen
curry, then, yes,
you are a Malayali.
– If you have beef puttu for breakfast, beef olathu
for lunch, and
beef curry with “borotta” for dinner, yeah, definitely
Malalyali.
– If your name Wilson , and your wife’s name is Baby,
and you name your
daughter Wilby, have no doubts at all , you are a
standard Malayali.
– If most of the houses on your block are painted puke
yellow,
fluorescent green, and bright pink, definitely
Malappuram Malayali.
– If you tie a towel around your head and burst into a
raucous
rendition of the song “Kuttanaden Punjayile” after
having three glasses
of
toddy, then you are a hardcore Malayali.
– If you call appetizers served with alcoholic
beverages as
“touchings” then you are one helluva Malayali.
– If you’re sick and your wifey rubs “Bicks” into your
nostrils and
gives you “kurumulaku rasam” with chakkara, (grandma’s
recipe) to help
relieve your symptoms, Damn!! You’re Malayali.
– IF YOU DON’T NEED ANY EXPLANATIONS FOR ANY OF THE
ABOVE,YOU KNOW
THAT YOU ARE THE REAL McCOY, A BLUE BLOOD MALAYALI.
LAAL SALAAM.
– All meant in fun, don’t get all “SIMBLY AGITATED”
and pass it on so
another Malayali can laff too.
– Ennu Swandam mattoru Kolayali.

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